MOM

I had a dream about my mom last night.

In the dream, my sisters and mom and I were attending the funeral of a family friend. I don't even remember who the person was, but it wasn't someone that was very close to us. My mom sat right beside me at the funeral, and all of a sudden, it was like she had come back to life, even though she had died. I started crying in the dream because I was remembering HER funeral, and with her sitting there with me, I wanted to know if she had any idea of what her funeral was like, and how we all felt about it. I wanted to tell her all about her funeral, and about how there were so many people there, and how special and honoring it was. I wanted her to know how much she was loved and remembered. But I couldn't tell her, because we were in the middle of the other person's funeral and we had to be quiet. So I just sat there and cried, not being able to tell my mom all that I wanted to. 

WOW. Tears came just typing that. I think there's so much underlying truth to the dream. There IS a lot I want to tell my mom, but can't. I DO want her to know how much she was loved, and how people came out of the woodwork to be at her funeral. I wish she could have seen it (but maybe somehow she did from Heaven? Who knows.) I wish she could have heard the stories and awesome things her friends said to me after the funeral. I wish she could read the letters that I got from some of her friends that blessed me beyond measure.

In the broader sense, I wish she knew how much my sisters and Dad think of her still, and how we're all struggling in our own ways because she's not here anymore. I wish she knew that all of us want to call her and see her and tell her things simply because she's our Mom. Even though she wasn't the same mom in recent years as she had been, she was still MY mom, and there is a gaping hole in her absence. 

When I was at my dad's house last month, I found this picture. I think it was the last one taken of the two of them, and it was on a cruise in February 2012. Don't they look great?? The picture itself is kind of fuzzy, but I think my mom looks absolutely beautiful. Hard to believe that just 6 months later she was gone from the earth. 

The only comfort that I have is knowing that she is now healed and whole. She is not hurting. She is not depressed. She has no physical ailments. She has no insecurities. She has Jesus himself! Glorious thought.