Camden's surgery

With so much "other" stuff going on in the past few weeks, I didn't mention or chronicle our little boy's surgery to get tubes put in his ears.

As previously mentioned, Camden was on antibiotics a dozen times in 2011 and already 5 times in 2012 when we decided to put the tubes in. He's a tough little guy and would rarely complain of the pain, but if he woke up crying in the middle of the night or was especially grumpy or whiny, we always went "uh-oh, must be another ear infection"... and it always was.

The surgeon was someone that Jeremy has worked with in the OR many times before. TOTAL perk of having your husband be an RN in the operating room is that he got to hand pick who he wanted involved!

Here is the surgery in photos:

Big boy waiting for his surgery consultation

Chillaxing at the doctor's office with Daddy's iPhone

Getting his hospital wristband put on. He has his ever-present ducky and a monster truck in hand. Gotta have the important things, right?

Showing off the tiger gown...

He looks like such a little baby in this picture!

Killing time waiting for the surgery. Big brother Westin did great too.

Headed into surgery, being held by the anesthesiologist

Back at home! Successful surgery, tired boys.

Post surgery, poor little sleepy guy.

And just like that...

.....my world changed.

Remember a few posts ago when I said that I felt a change coming on? Little did I know exactly what that change would be. I lost my mother on August 1st, 2012.

She had been in decline for the past few months, since about the end of May. Lost a lot of weight. Got very frail looking. Would only eat teeny tiny bits and was not getting nearly enough calories. Moved from bed to couch to bathroom and back to bed. Slept on and off most of the day. Stopped doing things she enjoyed, such as Facebook, reading her Kindle, and playing Words with Friends. Basically, she was in the process of dying. Her mental capacities had certainly diminished, and talking to her just wasn't quite the same. She was on a whole slew of drugs, so who knows what that does to your brain and your entire body!

It is an odd thing, watching someone decline before your very eyes. I got to see her every few weeks or so, and talked to her nearly every day in between, and little by little I just knew she was wasting away and preparing to die. But I can honestly say that I was completely shocked on the day she actually did pass away.

August 1st.... Jeremy and I started our day at the hospital with Camden, who got tubes put in his ears. We lugged our whole family to the hospital at 6am, and it was all over with and we were home before 9am. Surgery was successful and Camden was a trooper. About 10am or so, my dad called to check on Camden. I told him all was well. He asked my mom if she wanted to talk to me, and she said no. Dad said she wasn't feeling up to talking.

Two hours later, around Noon, my dad called and said he'd called an ambulance for Mom, because she was really sick and her stomach hurt (more than likely it was her chest, but he told me stomach at the time.) He was going to follow the ambulance to MD Anderson, but then at the last minute decided to ride in the front of the ambulance. Apparently when the EMT guys got there, she was responsive and talking, but on the way to the hospital they lost her. They intubated and resuscitated her, but her pulse was faint and there wasn't any blood pressure.

Once in the ER, they did all the things doctors do, and after some time they determined she'd likely had a pulmonary embolism. She didn't have any brain activity, and the damage was done. My mom was a DNR, so they moved her to the ICU and for the rest of the day they kept her on the ventilator so she could breathe for as long as her heart was beating. At 6:27pm, her heart stopped beating and my mom got to go meet Jesus.

I got to be there with her, and I'm so grateful. Once I got the call about her condition and I understood what it meant, I left my house within 17 minutes (yes, I clocked it) and arrived in Houston in time to be by her side for a bit before she died. I got spend a few minutes alone with her and talked to her. I will treasure that time forever.

I think God was gracious to her and to us by letting her pass away in the manner that she did. It was fairly quick and mostly painless. She didn't have to endure the agony of dying a painful and miserable death from lung cancer. She didn't have to spend her last weeks/months in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and white sheets. And now.....  well, now she has met Jesus face to face and I can't even imagine what awesome thing's she's doing. Tears come to my eyes just typing that, but I am so happy that she is free and whole.

I am grieving. My heart hurts and I am so sad that she is not here. I want to talk to her, and hug her. I want to tell her the funny things my boys are doing, because she loved hearing those stories. I feel LOSS in a way I've never felt it before. I miss her. And yet, I am happy for her. 

I love you, Mom. I will never forget you, and I will most likely think of you every day for the rest of my life. I look forward to seeing you again one day in Heaven. 

Who knew that on August 1st, 2012 I would start my day in one hospital with my son, and end my day in another hospital 4 hours away with the death of my mother. 

Yes, change is here. 

Tubes for Camden

Sweet little 2-year old Camden is headed to the hospital on Wednesday to get tubes put in his ears. Our pediatrician strongly recommended it due to the number of ear infections he's had over the past year and a half. Plus, he's had several this summer, which is the "off-season" of sorts for ear infections.

I had one of the nurses at the pediatrician's office tell us just how many medications we've given him for ear infections in his short lifetime. It was WAY more than I remembered!

So - tubes are going in, and I really, really hope this will do the trick. Poor little dude has been in pain for most of his life!

Dreaming up a life

Maybe one of the "perks" of approaching 40 is that my husband and I are very serious about determining exactly what we want from the rest of our lives. We know for sure that we desire to do the Lord's will and follow His principles for our lives. But we both firmly believe that the exact what/where/why/how is left up to US. God is not a puppet master, telling us to "live here, do that, be this", etc. (And yes, you can find instances in the Bible where God did in fact tell one of His children to do something specific, but there are many more guiding principles that would indicate that He is ultimately more interested in our hearts than our location/vocation.) Perhaps you disagree, and that's okay. Jeremy and I are carving out a life for ourselves that we believe will honor God while bringing us joy on earth, and we feel pretty good about that.

So... what do we want for our lives, other than to honor God and to raise our children to do the same?

- Live in an area of beauty, where we can look at God's creation and be filled with awe.

- Play in said creation, whether it's walking, hiking, biking, climbing, sitting, eating, drinking etc.

- Be a part of a Christ-centered church where we can grow, learn, serve, and find friends that want the same.

- Live in a community of people that love the outdoors, and where bike trails, parks, etc. are a norm.

- Have friends that share the same values as we do (God, outdoors, etc.) and want to band together and "do life".

- Have men invest in our boys that love God and share our values, so that when our influence wanes, theirs is steady.

- Weather that is cold but not miserable in the winters, and warm but not unbearably hot in the summers. Light snow is good; humidity and heat are bad.

- A city that is large enough to have all the amenities that we desire, but small enough that it still feels like a "town".

- An area where music, culture, food, outdoors, and God can all be welcome and appreciated.

- Relative accessibility to our families, so that they can visit us and we can visit them without excessive cost (this is a TOUGH one).

Does that list sound unrealistic? Who knows. I do think that we've identified an area that fits our general criteria, though it shall remain nameless for now. And trust me, we've researched/discussed/dreamed of MANY places in the past few years. To potentially be narrowing it down is pretty exciting. We are praying and talking LOTS about our future. 

What is this thing called blogging?

Hi.... my name is Joey and I used to blog.

Somewhere along the way I just stopped doing it. Maybe having two little boys that consume so much of my time did it to me. Maybe trying to cram a full time job into part time hours did it to me. Maybe the "pressure" of trying to run a household, keep a job, be a wife, and raise some boys did it to me. Maybe some discontent in my heart caused my "want to" to quit on me. Not sure. 

But a year and a half later, I feel a change coming on. Which is funny, because I think that blogging isn't really "fashionable" anymore. It seems to have been largely replaced by Facebook, Twitter, etc.  And I'm guilty of using Facebook to pseudo-blog. But now....  change is coming. My mother is dying of lung cancer. My boys are now 2 and 3 and growing and talking and going tee-tee and poopie on the potty (at least part of the time!) My husband is still his awesome self but we have gone through a very weary and rough season. And we are both longing for mountains, and feel pulled there. For now, we're still in small town Texas and are trying to appreciate and enjoy the beauty that surrounds us, but I feel a greater and greater longing for higher elevations, cooler weather, and fresh air.

I'm also approaching my 40th birthday. I've still got nearly 7 months until the big milestone, but I'm feeling more reflective lately, and something about saying that I'm almost FORTY has got me really pondering my life. Maybe I'll post my ponderings. Maybe not. We'll see.

Here are my sweet little monkeys. They bring more love, joy, frustration, anger, and happiness to my life than I ever thought possible!

Sick of Sick

When I was in junior high, I remember my parents saying that they had bought my orthodontist that fancy Corvette he drove. Even at that age, I totally got the joke. My parents paid for braces for all 3 of their daughters, and so every time we saw that shiny car parked in front of his office, my parents were reminded of how much they were shelling out for our pretty teeth.

Fast forward 25 years, and now I feel the same way about my kids' pediatric office! It seems like we're in that office a ridiculous number of times each month. It goes something like this: ear infection for Westin, routine appointment for Camden, then ear infection for Camden, then strep throat for Westin, then routine appointment for Camden, then ear infection for Westin, then routine appointment for Westin, then strep throat for Camden, then ear infections again....... and so on and so on. Sheesh! Certainly between our co-pays and what the insurance company dishes out, we've at least paid for a semester at a ritzy private college that surely one of my pediatrician's kids will go to one day.

And while I'm whining about the time and money spent in a doctor's office, my poor little kiddos are the ones that are suffering. Oops... I forgot this wasn't all about me! I hate seeing my kids sick. It breaks my heart. You should see Westin right now. He looks like he's been hit by a truck. He has strep throat and the nastiest cold and chunky cough. His eyes are so droopy and he looks just pitiful. One of the ONLY good things to come from him being sick is that I get extra snuggles and cuddle time, and that is absolutely priceless. Westin loves to be held when he's sick (heck, so do I!), and if I have to pay someone else's college tuition in order to hold my son for extended periods of time, then so be it. You're welcome, Dr. Rick and Dr. Bray.

A Fresh New Year

It's 2011, and I thought, hey, what the heck...... why not blog again? It has been nearly 5 months since my last post. Crazy.

In that time, LOTS has happened, but the biggest thing is that my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. She had a very large tumor on the lower lobe of her right lung. I learned about it in September, just a few days after returning from a wonderful trip to Oregon to visit Jeremy's family. To be honest, it kind of turned my world a little upside down, and I just didn't feel like blogging much after that. She's now about 3/4 of the way through her treatment, which consists of radiation and chemotherapy at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. So far, she's responding well, although she is extremely weak and tired. She has some soreness when she swallows from the radiation being aimed in that area, and her voice is a little hoarse, and her appetite has significantly decreased, but she hasn't lost her hair, and she hasn't any major side effects. The doctors are saying that she is holding up very well, and they are encouraged by what they're seeing so far. I know she is SO ready to feel better and to get some energy back. I absolutely hate seeing my mom not feeling well. Truthfully, she hasn't felt well in years, and I've hated it for her for years. I guess now we know why.

Other than that, our family is doing quite well. Our boys are growing like weeds. Westin is 2, Camden is 10 months, and Jeremy and I are starting to get little glimpses here and there of what normalcy might look like. I feel like I am finally, FINALLY coming out of the fog of having 2 kids just 15 months apart, and I am rediscovering ME again. I didn't even realize that I wasn't "me", until I started feeling like "me" again. Does that make sense?

We'll see what this year holds for blogging. I really do have a desire to document the journeys of The Hansen Family, and I'm constantly writing little blog posts in my head, but they just don't seem to make it to my fingers and onto the computer. But hey, if normalcy really and truly does return, you never know.

Happy New Year!