When cool things happen

Let me say that I am not a "prosperity gospel" person. Nor do I believe in karma. I do, however, believe in God and that sometimes He shows up in cool ways simply to remind me that He sees me and is shaping my heart.

Just this morning I was reading in Matthew 5, which is Jesus' sermon on the mount.  This verse intrigued me: "Give to those who ask, and don't turn away from those who want to borrow." (NLT version) The footnote directed me to Deuteronomy 15: 7-11, so I went there and read this:
⁷ “But if there are any poor Israelites in your towns when you arrive in the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tightfisted toward them. ⁸ Instead, be generous and lend them whatever they need. ⁹ Do not be mean-spirited and refuse someone a loan because the year for canceling debts is close at hand. If you refuse to make the loan and the needy person cries out to the Lord, you will be considered guilty of sin. ¹⁰ Give generously to the poor, not grudgingly, for the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do. ¹¹ There will always be some in the land who are poor. That is why I am commanding you to share freely with the poor and with other Israelites in need.

So basically.... BE GENEROUS. I prayed that God would help me be more generous, as I tend to be pretty self-absorbed and don't even realize when there are opportunities to give to others.

After I dropped the boys off at their preschool, I went to the grocery store. As I stood in the checkout line, the lady ahead of me was paying for her groceries but somehow the cashier missed one item, and the lady had already paid her bill. So, without really thinking, I just told the cashier to put it on my tab and give her the item. And before you think I'm super noble.... it was a box of Ritz crackers. They cost 2 bucks. But the lady was very gracious and grateful! It was a neat moment. I could tell the cashier thought it was cool, and the lady most definitely appreciated it. I silently patted myself on the back, completely forgetting that I had prayed that God would help me be more generous. And I went on my way. 

Next stop was another store to get one more item before heading home. I walked in, and told the sales guy what I was looking for. He walked me to where it was, and we looked at the variety of brands they had (for those with inquiring minds, it was a neti-pot type thing because I cannot seem to shake my cough and congestion and my husband suggested I get one.) The cost was $20. I then saw one other item, very similar, sitting beside it, and said "how much is this one?" The sales guy said, "You know, why don't you just take that one. It came as a sample from the distributor, and I should have taken it off the shelf a while ago." I said "REALLY" And he said "Yes - it's yours. I hope it helps!" 

Okay... I got back in my car and then it hit me what had just happened within a 10 minute window. I bought a 2 dollar item for someone, and minutes later someone gave me a 20 dollar item for free! That stuff NEVER happens to me. And as I said before, I do NOT believe in the prosperity gospel. Instead, I believe in a God that was answering my prayer, and showing me some grace at the same time. I might not have given God credit for being generous to the lady at the grocery store, had I not been distinctly reminded with an even bigger generosity by someone else. 

I like it when cool things happen. 

If you put something on Facebook, does that make it real?

I just posted this on Facebook, which I guess makes our announcement "official": 

"Friends - Jeremy Hansen and I are very happy to announce that we will be moving to beautiful Colorado in February 2013! Our house here in Texas is under contract and we are excited about this next chapter of our lives! We'll be living in the Fort Collins/Loveland area. Come visit!" 

No turning back now! Full speed ahead!

Getting caught up

I don't know why, but I feel like the "proper" thing to do on a blog is to have entries be in chronological order of the events in my life. So, for example, I've needed to post the conclusion to our Colorado trip back in September but haven't done it. In the meantime there are lots of things I've wanted to write about but haven't done it, because I had that one other blog post hanging out there. Silly, right? So, I'm releasing myself of that burden right now, and I'm skipping to whatever I feel like writing about. 

There. Freedom.

So, I'll start today with an email that I sent to my dear friends in The Posse. It captures "where we are" right now (edited to remove personal Posse stuff and to be appropriate for all readers.)Then you'll be caught up. Wow, that was easy!

Here's the email: 

Hi Posse, 

I am loooooong overdue in emailing all of you. You've all been on my mind but it has just seemed daunting to sit down and try to type a letter to you. But here I finally am!

Our big news first: we are moving to Colorado! It might seem like a sudden decision to you, but in truth it has been a long journey to get here. Jeremy and I have known for a while that we would not live in Texas in the long run, but with my mom's health in question we weren't focusing on timing. Now that she's gone, we feel a freedom to move on, even though it means leaving my dad and my sisters and their families. For a whole host of reasons, we are both confident this will be a very good move for us, and we plan to make Colorado our home for the long haul. We visited the Fort Collins/Loveland area back in late September and Jeremy interviewed for a job in the OR at a hospital there.

We put our house on the market just a little over 2 weeks ago, and we are praising God because we got an offer and are under contract! We are a bit stunned that it happened so quickly, but that's our God and we are taking it as confirmation that we're on the right path. We'll close the 3rd week of January, and we'll be off to Colorado in February! 

We're taking some time to have fun in January. We'll go on a 5 day cruise out of Galveston, just the two of us, and then we're headed to Oregon with the 4 of us to visit Jeremy's family for 2 weeks.

Westin is turning 4 on Friday and he's becoming such a big boy. Camden is a fully talking 2 and a half year old and they are getting to be really fun. We can't wait to explore the Colorado foothills and mountains with our little men. 

This has been a really hard season of life over the past year or so, and I think I could probably have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. We are SO ready to get back into a good church community, as that has been totally lacking here in Texas for us. I desperately need godly women in my life. We're ready to have friends that we can do life with that share our same values and also appreciate the outdoors. We're ready for cooler weather, beautiful scenery, closer amenities, and the list goes on. The ONLY sad part is moving away from my family. But I have a peace about it, as does my husband. He has been a gentle, loving leader during this time of decision making, and he has been a great comfort to me during my mom's funeral and in the months of grieving since then. 

I love all of you! 

Joey

Colorado part III

And now... the next installment of our all-important, perhaps life-changing trip to Colorado.

If you remember, we left off with our wonderful hike in the mountains, where I had a wardrobe malfunction (not THAT kind of malfunction, thank you very much!) My trusty Lowa hiking shoes, which I'd had pretty much since I met Jeremy, fell apart on me before we really got started. I had no idea they were in bad shape.... that should tell you the sad story of how often (or rather NOT often) they got used. It was quickly apparent that they would not only do me no good, but they would do me harm. So, who to the rescue but our precious LouAnn?? She just happened to have her Chaco sandals with her. How fortuitous!

Yes, they were too big, and yes I felt like I had flippers on for part of they hike, but they got the job done and by the end of the 4 or 5 miles or so they felt almost, dare I say.... normal!

Lou Ann's Chacos saved the day!

Lou carrying my old hiking shoes.

The hiking crew

One of the really crazy things that happened on the trail is that Jeremy and I ran into someone we knew! What are the odds, right?? Her parents worked at the ranch when we lived there in 2000 - 2002. It was a fun surprise.

Stay tuned for Part 4... or IV.... of our Colorado extravaganza.

Colorado Part II

After Jeremy's interview at Medical Center of the Rockies ("MCR" if you want to be cool), we wanted to debrief a bit and let him tell me all about it. So, what better place to sit and talk but a brewpub? Jeremy had previously looked up breweries in the Fort Collins and Loveland area, and there happened to be one just a few miles away from the hospital. So off we went to sample some local beer and to talk. The name of the brewery was Grimm Brothers, and we enjoyed it. 

When we were done, we headed off to Boulder to meet our friends. It was quite a trip down memory lane to drive through Longmont and go right past our old church, and then head into Boulder where we lived for nearly 2 years. It was all so familiar to us, yet it had been 9 years since we'd moved away. 

We met our dear friend Lou Ann and some of her friends, and then our friends Erik and Jessica met us at a cool restaurant called Salt in downtown Boulder. It was a lovely evening, except for the fact that I was as tired as I have been in a long, long time and could barely keep my head in the game. I think everyone felt sorry for me. For some reason Jeremy was just fine, but man I was longing for a bed.

Buddies! Jeremy and Erik

Silly Lou

Exhibit A: Not conducive to hiking....

We spent the night at Lou's house and it felt soooo good to sleep in! I don't think we got up until 9am. Then it was off to breakfast in Boulder at one of our favorite places, Le Peep. Very nostalgic for us. After that, we headed into the mountain for a hike near Lost Lake. It was a gorgeous day and a great hike, except for one small detail. My hiking shoes literally fell apart on me! Please see exhibit A. This should NOT happen. Stay tuned for the next installment of our Colorado adventure.

Colorado part I

In late September, Jeremy and I went on a much needed weekend getaway to Colorado. My sister Sharon graciously agreed to come to our house to stay with our little monkeys, so off we went to visit the state where Jeremy and I met and got married.

Not sure what we were thinking, but we (meaning I) booked a 6am flight out of San Antonio. Which meant we needed to be at the airport by 5am. Which meant we needed to leave our house by 3:45am. Which meant we had to wake up at 2:50am. Which meant we were ridiculously tired the entire day! But we made it, and it was a great weekend.

We landed in Denver at 10am and rented a car and headed directly to Loveland, CO. The airport was so familiar to me, and in a strange way, seemed like my "home" airport even though I haven't lived in Colorado for 9 years. I kind of forgot how in-the-middle-of-nowhere it was, but was also surprised to see how much has grown up around it. Loveland was only about 45-50 minutes away and it seemed like a hop, skip, and a jump.

Why were we in Loveland, you ask? Good question. I'll share a little secret with you.... my husband interviewed for a job at a hospital there! It's called Medical Center of the Rockies, and it's a gorgeous 5-year old facility with 8 operating rooms. Here's a picture I took of the hospital right after I dropped Jeremy off for his interview:

He was blown away by the people he met, the quality of the equipment and the rooms, and the general mentality of the hospital system. He walked away from the interview and told me it would be an honor if he got a job offer from them. Quite honestly, it has been hard to go back to his current job, now that he knows what else is out there.

The interview itself was somewhat of a step of faith, because we're not officially ready to move just yet. And the manager that he interviewed with knew that, and was still willing to meet with him. Jeremy told them that we'd be looking at early next year at the soonest, and they understood. But for us, finding a job is a very large piece of the moving puzzle, as we don't feel like it would be wise to just pick up our family and move without knowing what kind of employment is available. It ended up being a huge relief to us, knowing that the area we're interested in for a bunch of reasons ALSO happens to have a fantastic hospital system.

I'll have to save the rest of our Colorado trip for my next post, so stay tuned!

MOM

I had a dream about my mom last night.

In the dream, my sisters and mom and I were attending the funeral of a family friend. I don't even remember who the person was, but it wasn't someone that was very close to us. My mom sat right beside me at the funeral, and all of a sudden, it was like she had come back to life, even though she had died. I started crying in the dream because I was remembering HER funeral, and with her sitting there with me, I wanted to know if she had any idea of what her funeral was like, and how we all felt about it. I wanted to tell her all about her funeral, and about how there were so many people there, and how special and honoring it was. I wanted her to know how much she was loved and remembered. But I couldn't tell her, because we were in the middle of the other person's funeral and we had to be quiet. So I just sat there and cried, not being able to tell my mom all that I wanted to. 

WOW. Tears came just typing that. I think there's so much underlying truth to the dream. There IS a lot I want to tell my mom, but can't. I DO want her to know how much she was loved, and how people came out of the woodwork to be at her funeral. I wish she could have seen it (but maybe somehow she did from Heaven? Who knows.) I wish she could have heard the stories and awesome things her friends said to me after the funeral. I wish she could read the letters that I got from some of her friends that blessed me beyond measure.

In the broader sense, I wish she knew how much my sisters and Dad think of her still, and how we're all struggling in our own ways because she's not here anymore. I wish she knew that all of us want to call her and see her and tell her things simply because she's our Mom. Even though she wasn't the same mom in recent years as she had been, she was still MY mom, and there is a gaping hole in her absence. 

When I was at my dad's house last month, I found this picture. I think it was the last one taken of the two of them, and it was on a cruise in February 2012. Don't they look great?? The picture itself is kind of fuzzy, but I think my mom looks absolutely beautiful. Hard to believe that just 6 months later she was gone from the earth. 

The only comfort that I have is knowing that she is now healed and whole. She is not hurting. She is not depressed. She has no physical ailments. She has no insecurities. She has Jesus himself! Glorious thought.

Just another day in the Hansen home...

Pretty normal for us. Aren't all homes like this?

Who says white boys can't dance?

The Hansen boys gettin' their groove on...

My boys

Someday my two boys will stop doing this. I don't want to ever, ever forget how this feels, because it is pure joy. I am one blessed mama.

What's for dinner?

Here's what I'm making tonight. I splurged a little and bought beef tenderloin steaks (for me and my love... kiddos get plain jane food until they can appreciate the good stuff!). So on the menu is beef tenderloin steaks (still raw in the picture) with an Alton Brown recipe for fingerling potatoes with butter and chives, and fruit salad. Oh, and a nice Pinot Noir. It was absolutely delish, if I don't say so myself!

Plus, this is the first time I've ever blogged from my iPhone. How cool is that???

Camden's surgery

With so much "other" stuff going on in the past few weeks, I didn't mention or chronicle our little boy's surgery to get tubes put in his ears.

As previously mentioned, Camden was on antibiotics a dozen times in 2011 and already 5 times in 2012 when we decided to put the tubes in. He's a tough little guy and would rarely complain of the pain, but if he woke up crying in the middle of the night or was especially grumpy or whiny, we always went "uh-oh, must be another ear infection"... and it always was.

The surgeon was someone that Jeremy has worked with in the OR many times before. TOTAL perk of having your husband be an RN in the operating room is that he got to hand pick who he wanted involved!

Here is the surgery in photos:

Big boy waiting for his surgery consultation

Chillaxing at the doctor's office with Daddy's iPhone

Getting his hospital wristband put on. He has his ever-present ducky and a monster truck in hand. Gotta have the important things, right?

Showing off the tiger gown...

He looks like such a little baby in this picture!

Killing time waiting for the surgery. Big brother Westin did great too.

Headed into surgery, being held by the anesthesiologist

Back at home! Successful surgery, tired boys.

Post surgery, poor little sleepy guy.

And just like that...

.....my world changed.

Remember a few posts ago when I said that I felt a change coming on? Little did I know exactly what that change would be. I lost my mother on August 1st, 2012.

She had been in decline for the past few months, since about the end of May. Lost a lot of weight. Got very frail looking. Would only eat teeny tiny bits and was not getting nearly enough calories. Moved from bed to couch to bathroom and back to bed. Slept on and off most of the day. Stopped doing things she enjoyed, such as Facebook, reading her Kindle, and playing Words with Friends. Basically, she was in the process of dying. Her mental capacities had certainly diminished, and talking to her just wasn't quite the same. She was on a whole slew of drugs, so who knows what that does to your brain and your entire body!

It is an odd thing, watching someone decline before your very eyes. I got to see her every few weeks or so, and talked to her nearly every day in between, and little by little I just knew she was wasting away and preparing to die. But I can honestly say that I was completely shocked on the day she actually did pass away.

August 1st.... Jeremy and I started our day at the hospital with Camden, who got tubes put in his ears. We lugged our whole family to the hospital at 6am, and it was all over with and we were home before 9am. Surgery was successful and Camden was a trooper. About 10am or so, my dad called to check on Camden. I told him all was well. He asked my mom if she wanted to talk to me, and she said no. Dad said she wasn't feeling up to talking.

Two hours later, around Noon, my dad called and said he'd called an ambulance for Mom, because she was really sick and her stomach hurt (more than likely it was her chest, but he told me stomach at the time.) He was going to follow the ambulance to MD Anderson, but then at the last minute decided to ride in the front of the ambulance. Apparently when the EMT guys got there, she was responsive and talking, but on the way to the hospital they lost her. They intubated and resuscitated her, but her pulse was faint and there wasn't any blood pressure.

Once in the ER, they did all the things doctors do, and after some time they determined she'd likely had a pulmonary embolism. She didn't have any brain activity, and the damage was done. My mom was a DNR, so they moved her to the ICU and for the rest of the day they kept her on the ventilator so she could breathe for as long as her heart was beating. At 6:27pm, her heart stopped beating and my mom got to go meet Jesus.

I got to be there with her, and I'm so grateful. Once I got the call about her condition and I understood what it meant, I left my house within 17 minutes (yes, I clocked it) and arrived in Houston in time to be by her side for a bit before she died. I got spend a few minutes alone with her and talked to her. I will treasure that time forever.

I think God was gracious to her and to us by letting her pass away in the manner that she did. It was fairly quick and mostly painless. She didn't have to endure the agony of dying a painful and miserable death from lung cancer. She didn't have to spend her last weeks/months in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and white sheets. And now.....  well, now she has met Jesus face to face and I can't even imagine what awesome thing's she's doing. Tears come to my eyes just typing that, but I am so happy that she is free and whole.

I am grieving. My heart hurts and I am so sad that she is not here. I want to talk to her, and hug her. I want to tell her the funny things my boys are doing, because she loved hearing those stories. I feel LOSS in a way I've never felt it before. I miss her. And yet, I am happy for her. 

I love you, Mom. I will never forget you, and I will most likely think of you every day for the rest of my life. I look forward to seeing you again one day in Heaven. 

Who knew that on August 1st, 2012 I would start my day in one hospital with my son, and end my day in another hospital 4 hours away with the death of my mother. 

Yes, change is here. 

Tubes for Camden

Sweet little 2-year old Camden is headed to the hospital on Wednesday to get tubes put in his ears. Our pediatrician strongly recommended it due to the number of ear infections he's had over the past year and a half. Plus, he's had several this summer, which is the "off-season" of sorts for ear infections.

I had one of the nurses at the pediatrician's office tell us just how many medications we've given him for ear infections in his short lifetime. It was WAY more than I remembered!

So - tubes are going in, and I really, really hope this will do the trick. Poor little dude has been in pain for most of his life!

Dreaming up a life

Maybe one of the "perks" of approaching 40 is that my husband and I are very serious about determining exactly what we want from the rest of our lives. We know for sure that we desire to do the Lord's will and follow His principles for our lives. But we both firmly believe that the exact what/where/why/how is left up to US. God is not a puppet master, telling us to "live here, do that, be this", etc. (And yes, you can find instances in the Bible where God did in fact tell one of His children to do something specific, but there are many more guiding principles that would indicate that He is ultimately more interested in our hearts than our location/vocation.) Perhaps you disagree, and that's okay. Jeremy and I are carving out a life for ourselves that we believe will honor God while bringing us joy on earth, and we feel pretty good about that.

So... what do we want for our lives, other than to honor God and to raise our children to do the same?

- Live in an area of beauty, where we can look at God's creation and be filled with awe.

- Play in said creation, whether it's walking, hiking, biking, climbing, sitting, eating, drinking etc.

- Be a part of a Christ-centered church where we can grow, learn, serve, and find friends that want the same.

- Live in a community of people that love the outdoors, and where bike trails, parks, etc. are a norm.

- Have friends that share the same values as we do (God, outdoors, etc.) and want to band together and "do life".

- Have men invest in our boys that love God and share our values, so that when our influence wanes, theirs is steady.

- Weather that is cold but not miserable in the winters, and warm but not unbearably hot in the summers. Light snow is good; humidity and heat are bad.

- A city that is large enough to have all the amenities that we desire, but small enough that it still feels like a "town".

- An area where music, culture, food, outdoors, and God can all be welcome and appreciated.

- Relative accessibility to our families, so that they can visit us and we can visit them without excessive cost (this is a TOUGH one).

Does that list sound unrealistic? Who knows. I do think that we've identified an area that fits our general criteria, though it shall remain nameless for now. And trust me, we've researched/discussed/dreamed of MANY places in the past few years. To potentially be narrowing it down is pretty exciting. We are praying and talking LOTS about our future. 

What is this thing called blogging?

Hi.... my name is Joey and I used to blog.

Somewhere along the way I just stopped doing it. Maybe having two little boys that consume so much of my time did it to me. Maybe trying to cram a full time job into part time hours did it to me. Maybe the "pressure" of trying to run a household, keep a job, be a wife, and raise some boys did it to me. Maybe some discontent in my heart caused my "want to" to quit on me. Not sure. 

But a year and a half later, I feel a change coming on. Which is funny, because I think that blogging isn't really "fashionable" anymore. It seems to have been largely replaced by Facebook, Twitter, etc.  And I'm guilty of using Facebook to pseudo-blog. But now....  change is coming. My mother is dying of lung cancer. My boys are now 2 and 3 and growing and talking and going tee-tee and poopie on the potty (at least part of the time!) My husband is still his awesome self but we have gone through a very weary and rough season. And we are both longing for mountains, and feel pulled there. For now, we're still in small town Texas and are trying to appreciate and enjoy the beauty that surrounds us, but I feel a greater and greater longing for higher elevations, cooler weather, and fresh air.

I'm also approaching my 40th birthday. I've still got nearly 7 months until the big milestone, but I'm feeling more reflective lately, and something about saying that I'm almost FORTY has got me really pondering my life. Maybe I'll post my ponderings. Maybe not. We'll see.

Here are my sweet little monkeys. They bring more love, joy, frustration, anger, and happiness to my life than I ever thought possible!